Stagnant


Every few months I go through this feeling of stagnancy. I get bored, or I start to feel lost, or in need of that next whatever. These days I have a pretty cool job, I've been to some fancy places, met some fancy people, and I get paid to look good and be cute, but of course that aching feeling of "something missing" always comes back. At this point, I've just come to realize, that this is just me. I need continual growth and the sense of flowing along.

I'll always be searching for something. A new image, a new project, a soulful trip somewhere, a new hobby etc. But the thing is, I want to be a master at something as well. I just keep wondering is it possible to do both, be a jack of all trades and a master of at least one or two. Or am I continuing to bite off more than I can chew as usual.

Today, I was miserable. It was 103 degrees here in NYC, I felt ugly and disgusting with no AC really. The only thing that made it slightly bearable is my new very enthusiastic recently graduated gay Yale roommate. He's a dancer and he's full of energy, even when he's blasting his horrible pop music, there is a part of me that is so very thankful, because he reignites me, when I act waaaaaay to old. He reminds me not to take LIFE to seriously, yet keeping me on my ground.
Could I be living my modern day dream of Will and Grace? And if so, where the hell is my long awaited Harry Connick Jr.?

While on the subject of love...lol. I've been slowly attempting to get out there. I went on a date a week ago, I haven't heard from him since, even though I could have sworn we both had a good time. I also bought a couple of really really sexy dresses I've excited to break out. I haven't felt like a WOMAN in.....never. So I'm ready to "Come Out" as Diana Ross might say.

I miss my family, I never quite feel like I have a break from this city even on my days off. I also need to get back into the gym. As any follower of my silly blog can tell....I am scatter brained. These are the effects of my New York experience. My natural disciplined nature has taken a back seat for now. I will get it back, I have too...or I'll go crazy.

In the meantime, I'll keep on pushing towards something, hopefully something will surprise me, and I'll live happily ever after.

I will now go play on my farmville.

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